Perfect Chemistry: Campus Wedding 16 Years in the Making

Elinne Becket and Robert Iafe can’t quite agree on what sparked her interest in him.

Ask Iafe and he’ll say the crack he made about Becket’s beloved Croatian soccer team did the trick. Not so, says Becket.

“At first, I actually disliked him for weeks,” Becket said. “Once he finally started being nice to me, then I started liking him. But he's like, ‘No, that's what caused interest.’ This is one of those agree to disagree moments.”

But there’s no such controversy when it comes to their engagement in 2022.

“It was perfect,” they both said, nearly in unison.

Becket, a biology professor, and Iafe, a chemistry professor and department chair, tied the knot two years later, exchanging vows last Oct. 5 at the place that has become a second home for them – Cal State San Marcos.

If getting married at one’s place of employment seems unconventional, it shouldn’t to those who know Becket and Iafe. The passion they have for their students is the same passion they have for the university. And CSUSM’s Event and Conference Services (ECS) team ensured there wasn’t a moment of doubt about having their wedding at the McMahan House on campus.

“Everyone at ECS literally brought me to tears in a good way multiple times because they were just so helpful and so thoughtful,” said Becket, noting the tireless work and attention to detail of event planners Lizette Alvarado and Zayla Paschall. “It went perfectly because of them. I'm just so, so grateful for the fact that they made it even more special than I thought it was going to be.”

It was a day that was 16 years in the making.

Becket and Iafe met in 2008 at UCLA where each was working on their Ph.D. (Becket in molecular biology and Iafe in organic chemistry). Though they were in different departments, they met through one of Becket’s former teacher assistants who was lab mates with Iafe.

They were friends for about six months before they started dating, though the friendship could have been derailed by Iafe poking fun at Croatia’s painful exit from the 2008 Euro Cup when Turkey tied a quarterfinal match as time was winding down before advancing on penalty kicks.

“It was just enough of a bite for her to be annoyed but have that interest,” Iafe said.

Becket remembers it a bit differently. Born in Los Angeles, she traveled between the U.S. and Croatia frequently as a child during the Croatian War of Independence, spending time with her grandparents while her mom helped guide humanitarian aid to the front lines.

Needless to say, her ties to Croatia – and its soccer team – run deep.

“Oh, he knew what he was doing,” she said.

Iafe rebounded from the faux pas and their friendship evolved as they regularly hung out in UCLA’s grad lounge while waiting on results from their respective research experiments.

Both play piano, leading to battles in the grad lounge pitting Becket’s classical music against Iafe’s penchant for Elton John (Becket’s wedding processional was to John’s “Your Song,” which Iafe often played for her). The piano duels led to another talent they share – dancing. Becket has danced a variety of styles throughout her life and Iafe competed in ballroom in college.

Their friendship blossomed, and, on Dec. 16, 2008, they had their first official date, even marking the occasion with a photo.

The 16-year wait from that first date to their wedding day wasn’t intentional so much a product of juggling a relationship with the challenges of establishing their respective careers.

“Marriage was always what we wanted to work toward, but we were just enjoying what we had,” Becket said. “It was less important about the legal thing and more important about saying vows in front of our loved ones.”

And it was those vows that remain a highlight from their wedding day, particularly Iafe’s words. He took to heart an early conversation they had when they were dating – though, much like the soccer joke he made, they don’t necessarily see eye-to-eye on the way that conversation went.

“So, 16 years ago, she had a couple of demands for me,” Iafe said. “She said, ‘You are not allowed to read your vows. You have to say it from the heart.' ”

“This was when I was 20, when we first started dating,” Becket interjected. “And it wasn't a command, it was an off-the-cuff remark where I was like, ‘I don't understand how people can just read their vows.’ It was one of those things of, ‘If you really mean it, you should be able to say it, blah, blah, blah.’ ”

“And I listened to every word that she said,” Iafe said.

Fast forward 16 years and Becket jotted down some bullet points to ensure that she would hit on the topics that were most meaningful. Iafe, on the other hand, decided to wing it.

While there is friendly disagreement over whether it was truly off-the-cuff or well-rehearsed, they agree that Iafe nailed it.

“Of course, this guy has the best vows ever memorized and completely showed me up,” Becket said. “And what's really annoying was that when we were talking about who goes first, he's like, ‘You know what? I'll let you go first.’ He said he didn't want to repeat something I said.

“And, no, it was because he wanted to show me up,” she added, laughing. “The video shows me saying, ‘Oh, now I know why you wanted to go second.’ ”

Similar to how he lectures, Iafe said he had major points he wanted to hit and just let it flow from there. His groomsmen, Becket said, tell it differently.

“They were telling me, ‘He was practicing all day,’ ” Becket said.

“Just the major points,” Iafe said. “How we get there, I don’t know. It’s a journey. Live on the edge.”

As they approach their first Valentine’s Day as a married couple this week, there aren’t any special plans in the works. They’ll mark the occasion in the low-key way they normally do.

And before Becket can give details on what they normally do, Iafe jumps in.

“We don’t actually celebrate Valentine’s Day,” he said, “because every day is Valentine’s Day.”

Less than five months into marriage, spoken like someone who already knows the key to wedded bliss.

Media Contact

Eric Breier, Interim Assistant Director of Editorial and External Affairs

ebreier@csusm.edu | Office: 760-750-7314